Category: Words

It’s been hot in the office recently. We tried leaving the door open. We tried a fan. Then we scored an air conditioning and dehumidifier unit. This is the result. Brown parcel tape is a key integral component of the structure.

A quick lesson:

‘A model must both maintain and surprise. As a garment, it observes certain rules; as a dress, it transgresses them with insolence. It allows audacity within tradition’ – Christian Dior.

I worked back in the shop on Saturday. It was fairly weird being back there for about five minutes and then it was like I’d never left. Dom was proud to demonstrate some some Prestwich Haute Couture in two modes: ‘Under knee‘ and ‘Nora Batty‘. I think he’s been reading too much Cosmopolitan.

Word from Norfolk is that my partner for SITS in a couple of weeks has been commuting on a fixed road bike. I hope his knees are up to that first lap run. Here’s the latest from the Westfielder:

From: Jed
Subject: Woof

I found this hilarious….. but then I would.

DOG’S DRUGS OVERDOSE

A sniffer dog died from an overdose after searching a suspect car.  The Springer spaniel became ill after searching a field and car in Preston, Lancashire. The seven-year-old dog, called Todd, was searching a field and car for suspected amphetamines.

His handler, Pc Roger Moore, took Todd to the vets after he started panting heavily and began to have fits, but he died several hours later. A spokesman for Preston’s dog unit said Pc Moore and his family were devastated by Todd’s death.

“He (Todd) lived with them and they would all go for walks with him – he was their dog,” Sergeant Peter Crane told the Daily Mirror.  “He’s going to be very difficult to replace, but police work is dangerous and unfortunately Todd has become a casualty.” Todd had been working as a sniffer dog for five years. From here – http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-13177736,00.html

Filip. What can I say? He has been a bad lad and I’m disappointed. I was thinking he was just having a good run of form, but it’s sad to see that’s because he’s been on the gear to get him on the top of the podium.

I didn’t know about the ’97 incident but I guess it must be hard to quit old habits. He did have a shocking sense of fashion though. Almost like the Mario Cipollini of the mountain bike world. More here and over at Mountain Bike Action.

Meanwhile once golden boy looks like he’s about to turn the tables. This could be one to watch: Disgraced world champion David Millar says he hopes he will be allowed to work with the cycling authorities to warn against the dangers of doping. More at the Beeb.

I have a submission date set. Four years of work is now rapidly approaching the 24 September. I am highly convinced that there will be less time for any shenanigans of any kind in the coming two months let alone the mountain biking variety, but we’ll see.

From: Katie
Subject: Proud to be British?

Be very proud to be British Because…

Only in Britain… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain… do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain… do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain… do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain… do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain… are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

Not to Mention:

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally:

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet

Finally, ladies, ladies! Handbags are being drawn stateside.

Ooooh get me. It’s the new look of rothar.com. It’s almost glitzy and everything. Well unfortunately it’s only skin deep at the moment and there’s still plenty of shonky pages in the depths of the site.

I’ve plugged the RUSS Appeal in the past. So far they’ve raised a shed load of cash for the Air Ambulance, but they want to keep things rolling so the banner at the top of the page is going to be there for a little while. The Air Ambulances are good, they help lift broken MTBers like the Droid off hillsides. So I can say I know someone that’s been helped by them and maybe one day they’ll be the ones who get me or you out of a nasty situation too.

The government have recently issued a leaflet on steps the average person can take to prepare for a catastrophic terrorist attack. Not that they want to shit people up, or that they’re worried that if you bomb the crap out of far away countries that you might piss people off and that they’ll exact bloody revenge or anything. No, no. It’s all just in case. Well you might not know that there’s also a website to accompany this new campaign it’s scary stuff. I especially like the bit where it says:

If you are involved in any emergency it is important to:

• Run like hell, particularly if you caused the emergency.
• Trample all others in your desperate attempt to escape.
• Loot on the way out

Tuesday night was a bit of a damp night ride. I think it was actually hailing at one point, but despite being soaked through it was still warm enough to be out with short sleeves and shorts even once it was dark (just about). I think one of the best bits of singletrack in the northwest may have been ridden that night. It’s certainly the most fun I’ve had out on the bike for a while and I’ve the bruises to prove it.

Mark from Massachusetts dropped me an e-mail recently. He runs an online store offering plenty of gear for winter and summer sports activities, as well as adventure travel. Check out his shop at bbskis.

From: Anthony
Subject: Mountain Bikes Order

Dear Sir,

My name Anthony Chang from Singapore. I’m interested to buy from your store.
My order as follows:

– 2004 Intense Spider Mountain Bike-( Medium ), quantity: 4 units

Please let me know the total prices plus shipping by UPS to
Singapore.
Do you accept Visa/Mastercard payment?
I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Hmmm, now whatever you make of that (no, it couldn’t be a scam could it?) as I don’t have bikes for sales I couldn’t help, other than to recommend North West Mountain Bikes are the nearest Intense dealer I can think of.

What happens when you forget that arguably the best rider Tour rider in the Peloton used to be a renowned sprinter? When it comes to a small bunch sprint he’s going to spring something. Armstrong won again today. He is riding in a class of his own at the moment and his tactical and motivational command of the USPS team has earnt him the opportunity to seal a sith Tour victory.

There is a lot of stuff to fit into this update because lots has been happening, but little of that has involved me riding a bike. Where to start? I suppose a good start is to bring an update on the feud. First a recap. Strike one. Strike two. Now strike three. Finally is it me or does this Tour rider look ever so slightly like some one we know? Well this site has been ratified:

So that’s from the same people who brought you the mighty Rasterbator. Take a regular sized image and convert it into a monster poster/billboard sized photo. How ‘bo selecta is that?

Are these north shore riders talking about someone we know? No hang on… That’d be scottish, but born in england, with a welsh surname. I guess that still makes him a Limey in their books. Is he there yet? Reports are expected.

Now how’s this for novel. The more beer bottles you catch in the crate, the more clothes the ladies take off. Things start getting interesting about 8,000 points and I’m guessing are no longer work safe after about 10,000, but I haven’t made it that far.

Finally leaving tags by cleaning. A new wave in urban graffiti. Check this out.

Sleepless in the Saddle is rapidly approaching. I hope the weather improves. I can’t see it being much fun if it doesn’t. It’d certainly be a bit pants if it degenerated into SSMM type conditions. I suppose I shouldn’t contemplate that too much incase I curse our luck. I’m also waiting for a pair of forks to arrive, because if it’s muddy I’ll be riding the singlespeed it needs some.

Behind the scenes here at rothar.com towers I’ve been working on version 3.0 of the site and I’m proud to announce that it’s now all done. Well the design is anyway. There’s a fair bit of content to rearrange and edit and such and I’m thinking of migrating over to phpWebsite with a new host. Not sure how long it’ll be before that’s ready though.

Finally, from recent performances, it looks like Lance has done a fair bit of training this season. US Postal are looking solid and his biggest threats are coming from riders, who were generally not heralded as being big contenders. Lets see what the Alps have on offer.

Counter-strike from the East. And everything is all smiles.

The great thing about living up here in ‘the North’ is the class of some of the locals. I mean if you fall out with your mate you go home, get the shotty and go back to settle things. ‘cept you might not make it that far:

A South Yorkshire man who shot himself in the testicles with a shotgun has been jailed for five years. David Walker, 28, from The Crescent, Dinnington, had drunk 15 pints of lager when he accidentally discharged the gun which was stuffed down his trousers.

Genius. Absolute genius. Full story here.

People continue to doubt Lance Armstrong’s claims that he is not a doper. I think Lance is clean and that he’s justified to be pissed off with stuff like this happening. Name me one other sportsman at the top of his game who has come back from a life threatening illness. Lance was World Champion before his cancer treatment which changed him physically making him suited to a more rounded cyclist. He’s been to hell and back through the burning pain of chemotherapy and has emerged from the other side with a burning desire to win. So what you’ve got is some one that’s tough as boots and has everything to play for. I hope he win’s this years Tour.

Ummm, a team of female mountain bikers in an American-style Calendar. Yes, really – here.

It’s Thursday and I’m only just getting around to updating. Things have been mad around here these last few days. I’ve gained a sofa and an x-box and lost a tv, video and other stuff that was being ‘looked after’. There’s loads of work on, the world’s greatest cycle race to follow and lots of people wanting to register shiny new Indy Fabs. I need a holiday.

My fame has been equaled by another of the Norfolk Posse (are we still saying that?):

From: Brooker
Subject: Fame

Catch my Email on ITV2 tour coverage last night ?
I emailed in a question last week :-

“The Tour is not the same without old DuDu ?
Where is Jacky Durand this year ? We love and miss his Kamikaze breakaways.
or seeing him carrying the Lantern Rouge”

Amazingly they read it out and showed the clip of him carrying the Lantern
Rouge !

Famous for 2 mins……….

Carl.

Well done that man. Jed and Chilly must try harder. Talking of Mr. Childerhouse this has arrived from an anonymous source. It is painful to look at. I will happily accept any images in counter-attack. Get well soon the firestarter.

There is a cheeky new website out there in cyberspace that I’m probably not allowed to talk about. It means less controversial stuff on Singletrack and is a very good idea. Talking of controversial, what about news that the UKs top downhiller won’t be riding her national championships because of a UCI ruling. Seems like a lot of crap to me. New international downhill series free from UCI regulation anyone?

SITS is rapidly approaching. Given the weather, I’ll be taking the singlespeed and mud tyres. That and every single piece of bike clothing I own and lots of bike cleaning kit.

Big car. Very fast. Anyone with some spare cash can buy me one of these. Thanks.

Thursday night’s session was from Hollingworth and it was great to ride in a new area. It was all a bit urban towards the end, the midget would have loved it and he missed out on the Sierra/Mercedes debate. I even met Mr Richards who has some prototype bars on his prototype bike. I had a go and was very impressed. They could be the ultimate bar for commuting. Brant rode them at SSMM and apparently Nick Craig is going to be riding some at the three-peaks race (if they’re narrow enough).

Hot diggity damn as Big Jonny would say*. I took an IQ test today for the first time in over ten years. Apparently based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly relative to others, I am a Facts Curator with a remarkable vocabulary and exceptional math skills – which puts me in the same class as brainiacs like Bill Gates. Um, okay… Try your luck here. I wonder how high you can get it with just guessing?

MC Piman (D’ya get me?) is mentioned in this article by Rob Bringur about Leeds hip-hoppers Invizible Circle. One for all… and a two finger salute to the music industry for not doing its job. Serious talent can’t be silenced, mmmkay.

Looks like F1 might actually be interesting for once this season with the likelihood of a wet British GP and some serious opposition for Ferrari beginning to take shape. Could this be Jenson Button’s first GP win?

The Tour continues. Follow it on Eurosport Live and check out the latest news from those Aussies at Cyclingnews.

*Or maybe not, either way experience some US-perspective on pretty much everything, but mostly the Tour here (probably not a good one for work).

A fairly busy first part to the week was broken by an enjoyable trip up to Oxenhope for the first night ride of the year that didn’t require lights. It’s so satisfying to be out riding in a scenic place like that watching a fantastic sunset and finishing up at a pub. With a bit of luck I’ll be off up to Hollingworth tonight for another ride on trails that are new to me.

Le Tour has been fairly interesting, I even had a personal mention on Eurosport. My fame was brief… You have to wonder what the thinking behind the new timing structure for the team time trial is. I can understand the fact that there may be a need to minimise the time loss for the slower teams, but the stepped method that has been adopted just seems ridiculous.

Why not just say the maximum time any team can lose is three minutes, or just go back to the way it was? It seems farcical that US Postal put over a minute into Phonak, but then Hamilton only loses 20 seconds. I don’t think that’s helping things. And then the day before they include two sections of pavé which really threw the cat amongst the pigeons and lead to some big time losses. As Hamilton said:

“Cobbles shouldn’t be part of the Tour de France. It was survival, nothing more. I just bounced from cobble to cobble but managed to stay in the front group. I have to thank my team mates a lot; they worked very hard to put me in a good position before the cobbles. Why are there cobbles in the Tour de France? It’s not like there are big climbs in Paris-Roubaix!” (from Cyclingnews).

Steve Peat might have only place third at the last weekend’s round of the Mountain Bike World cup, but he’s now 263 points ahead of second-placed Sam Hill in the overall standings and with only 250 points up for grabs for first place in the final event, Peat is already the 2004 UCI Downhill World Cup Champion. Filip Meirhaeghe won at both Mont Ste Anne and again in Calgary, finishing 3:28 ahead of defending champ Christoph Sauser. He is now 100 points clear in the championship. More here.

Finally it’s not just metal shortages slowing production out in Taiwan, now there could be further delays due to acts of god.

Well the Tour started yesterday and the dust seems to have settled a little bit now. Armstrong dismissed those who had been questioning his form this season with an impressive power display to put big time differences into his main rivals. It’s early days, but I think in this years Tour Lance is going to be looking to take time at every opportunity. Who knows we might even see him in some small breakaways like Big Mig did when he was going for his later Tour victories.

As for the David Millar affair, I can’t help but think about Millar’s comments on the cover of the rather crap Tim Moore book, French Revolutions. Millar said something along the lines of: ‘me and my team-makes thought it was hilarious, especially the pharmacy scene’. For those who haven’t read the book, it refers to a point where Moore attempts to buy some ephedrine for the Alp d’Huez climb. Anyway there’s a few tour links over on the right that’ll be there for the duration, it’s looking like it’s going to be a good one.

There’s some rather nice kit out on show at the moment such as some new road bikes from Specialized. The new Tarmac looks fantastic and a big improvement over last years bike – and how cool are the new Cosmic full carbon wheels? I wouldn’t want to be a dealer who still has an old Tarmac in stock now those have been unveiled. The Transition TT bike looks fairly purposeful too, although I’m guessing the big difference is in the efficiency of the frame rather than the barely different frame design.

One thing I have to ask is what the hell is going on with the new aero helmets? I know that there are new regulations that they have to meet in terms of offering protection, but they still look like something out of that Star Wars spoof Spaceballs. Anyway take a look at the evidence in these photos.

Anyway enough road stuff here is some important news: Allegations of slackness cannot be relied upon – The Telly Savalas Players Club have been busy doing good things for you, the result being the announcement of the European Singlespeed Championships to be held at Aviemore, Scotland. 10th & 11th September 2004. More news on the Nae Gears website.

There is a Shockwave based mountain bike game here. It’s written in a language I don’t understand, but that’s not so important as the fact it is clearly impossible to get beyond level two. Start Krasheun here.

The Red Bull Divide and Conquer event looks fairly tricky. Colorado anyone for a bit of riding, extreme canoeing and fell running? Did I forget the paragliding? Check this. Oh and the Base Jumping from Mars is now over. I guess I missed that one.

Finally here’s some thoughts from my old friend Katie from Guernsey. I think she’s getting all philosophical now that she’s married and settled down.

From: Katie
Subject: Life

As I mature I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

More from rothar.com towers as an when, but finally here’s the big link, chilled out tunes to write up to.