It’s been a long week since my last post, but the time seems to have flown by. While everyone was down at Coed y Brenin’s Fat Tyre Fest last weekend, I was back in Norfolk supposedly doing some belated landscape gardening. In fact I wasn’t doing what I intended, because none of the raw materials were there, so I spent four and a half hours driving around Norwich trying to secure the raw materials. I think I went to every builders merchants and DIY centre going. I even had to buy a map to find one of them. Of course, I managed to find what I needed in the last place I visited. Ain’t that always the way?
So that, work and an unhealthy dose of Splinter Cell has prevented me from riding my bike. I’m still trying to get these titanium spokes from the USA and my e-mail is buggered. I’ve sent a message to the support team, unless they come up with a fix I’m going to be getting a new address. All this and loads of news from Big Dave:
From: Big Dave
Subject: I’m still here
For SOME of you, you’re probably wondering where I’ve been as I have not been sending out an update to everyone as of late. So let me fill you in.
2 days before this stupid crap kicked off, our chaplain quoted some old testament justifying our stance in the eyes of what some people call God. Don’t be offended here please.
I got real angry. Very angry. I started feeling pain and hurt for our country, because….now trust me on this one….it’s not going to benefit anyone. The people of Iraq are not going to settle into the shining beacon of democracy that we are hoping for. This will benefit the unification of the arab world to fight off western influence and poor policies. Oil will be cheaper, but we will be buying less from the saudi’s (the country where most of the terrorists came from and Osama’s homeland) and they are going to get pissed. Oil will be cheaper, but with the use of SUV’s in america, you can count on higher polution. Wondering why all of your kid’s have asthma? Hmmmm…
So I immersed myself in my job. Making sure all the links were working and so forth. Then I started seeing the glory seekers and the ego freaks show their true colors. Decisions were being made that were getting soldiers killed. Accidents were happening and people were dying….still are. Really dumb choices were taking place and people were winding up in situations they were trained for. I saw a general go from smiles to sadness in a few days.
As for stopping the short range missiles, we did our job. As for Sadaam having missiles that violated un sanctions….well, he hasn’t fired any yet. Chemical….they are finding some things, but mostly for defensive measures (suits, atropine, mask filters, etc.)
I began to here how many bombs were being dropped. A $100K bomb on a $100 house. Or just random bombs that were not selected for specific targets just dropped in a field so the pilot could get home without refueling.
Then there were the things I can’t tell you about. Stuff that will probably not ever make it to the news, and by the time this is all over, people really won’t care. The guys in charge sure didn’t care.
We had a group go into Iraq to scout a location for our forward command cell. They came back all stoked to be going to Iraq. Taking all our gear and stuff and setting it up to show off to all the other units. Problem is that we would be losing about 60% of our capabilities. They just wanted to go anyway to say they went.
When I first got here, I thought the same thing, but then I started putting myself in someone elses shoes. Someone who watched their leader defy the free world by allowing sanctions to continue….sanctions that could have been lifted if done properly. Just think about it. If we dumped shiploads of medical gear into the port of basra along with volunteers from many of the NGO’s around the world, and Sadaam said go away, then it would have been sadaam’s fault. But we never did that. Food for oil was a joke. Farm machinery for oil wouldn’t work because all the tractors could be turned into military vehicles. Chlorine to purify water could be used to kill people in a gas attack. The materials to build a purification plant could be used in a lab to make evil stuff.
So now we are rolling along into Bagdad as you are seeing on tv. Good stuff. But I’ve discovered something about myself…I’m a conscientious objector. No way I would want to kill someone unless they were encroaching on my liberties and threatening my life. “Don’t tread on me” as my friend Wes has tattood on his belly. The same saying on the flag I use to see flying outside the museum at the Citadel. If I were to go to Iraq, would I be going in the manner that the Iraqi people really wanted to see? Probably not. Killing off all those bad dudes has allowed them to have a little more freedom, but now they are subjects of someone else. Not truly free….at least as of yet.
It will remain to be seen whether or not Iraq allows themselves to set up a government that we “approve of.” Centuries of tribal feuding didn’t end when sadaam was in power and even gassed away a few thousand. It continued.
I tried putting myself in the shoes of a good iraqi. One who kept his mouth closed during the evil regime just to survive. One who didn’t really like sadaam, but could do nothing but die if he tried to organize a group. I might be glad, but now I’m subject to western society. I’ve been taught that that’s bad. What do I do now? How long will I have to play the US’s game. What will happen to the home I have made? If I leave my home to head out of the city, will it be bombed or taken over by one of my neighbors just to return and start fighting with him to get it back? Lost of questions like that.
Well, I guess my answer is simple. No more violence. By striking first and succeeding, we’ve set an example for every child in america that it is okay to take the first swing at someone….even if you just THINK they are threatening you. Don’t bother trying to walk away after talking it out. Video tape yourself with your demands and send the video to this person that is oppressing you or annoying you. Then, after he requests to debate you, beat the shit out of him and all his friends. That’s the example we just set for every kid in america. Sadaam was bad, this is how you get rid of bad. Think about it. No talking on a personal level. No trying to negotiate face to face. Use a mediator, your friends, to do the talking for you. Or continue to make the videos.
After we settle into this, expect preemptives on others. They want be as easy as this one, and this one has been easy. Expensive, but easy.
So I find myself in this moral dilemma. And I choose non-violence. Luckily I’m in a unit that is fairly understanding. After telling them I was going to turn in a packet for a discharge, people were shocked. After listening to me and reading my story, most understood. Others were still blinded by patriotism to the government that puts food in their mouth. Guys with 27 years. They know nothing else. This is what makes them money. War pay is the Christmas bonus they don’t get.
No one has told me to get out except one person….and he’s an asshole. Another suggested doing it after I get home. Both I will tell you about in more detail later. The asshole is a good one. I’m tempted to give you all his wife’s # so you can ask her how she feels about it all. That would be some funny stuff.
So I’m going to ride this one out. We’ll be gone soon. Our mission is complete here. We are starting to cause more problems than we can solve. I should be home by summer. It would be nice to be back by Big Bear, but I don’t think so. What’s the date on that anyway. Last time it was the weekend of my birthday. Good stuff.
Thanks for the care packages.
Big Dave
I’ve been keeping notes. They are not too readable, but hopefully I will be able to get it all together in a book.
A book. That’s a good plan, if Andy McNab can write one then I’m sure Dave can produce a literary text of some appeal. And there’s more, here’s the next day’s post:
From: Big Dave
Subject: Make up for some time here
April 6, 2003
This has been a wonderful journey for me. I gave up a lifestyle that I dream of living again soon to do something for myself, my wife, and the country. After a while, I realize that what the government does for our country isn’t always the best thing. I start to learn more about this after Sept.11. Lots of dark stuff going on. I get to hear a little bit more about it than the average American just because of my job.
So here I am in Kuwait, watching the children of america fight this war over evil. At least that’s the way my father sees it. Yes, Sadaam is a bad dude. We all know that. But if you really look at how and why he got to be the way he is, then you start pointing fingers at Reagan, Bush #1, and Clinton. Clinton was probably the worst because he had a chance to help the Kurds take him out. And yes, we (all of you cyclist out there at least) all know that this is about oil. Just look at how well we kept all those oil wells from catching fire. Too bad we didn’t have any refugee camps set up. We ended up putting most of the people that fled their cities in POW camps – if they really needed food and shelter. The humanitarian aid is making its way in and that’s good.
So this war gets going and people start dying on both sides. I’m listening to massive amounts of bombs being dropped as well as plenty of depleted uranium being used to destroy light trucks. Good stuff. I’ve tried to keep a light heart about all this, but it’s just too much. The planet is crying in Iraq today and it will cry more as time goes by. Soldiers who have been handling all the DU ammo and have to repair the tanks with DU armor will start getting sick here soon. More kids in Iraq will be born with birth defects. Farms will be contaminated with DU dust. There is a lot more that I can’t tell you about.
I here missiles flying over head and I get interviewed by CNN as they do a documentary. I feel relief when the A10’s hit the persistent launcher in Basra with a missile.
Then I get real angry. I wish bad things on those who do what they think is right for America. I get angry at my lame chaplain who tries to be a cheerleader for this war by quoting old testament scripture. I get angry at those who do not distinguish between Iraqi civilians and Sadaam’s fighters. They are all Iraqi’s to those guys. I get angry when I hear about how a general doesn’t care about how many soldiers he loses. And I get angry when I hear someone say they just want to set foot on Iraqi soil so they can say they we part of the war. But most of all…..I get angry at myself. Why did I let it go this far?
I let it go this far because I was selfish. I wanted a better way of life for me and my wife, and I realized that I was doing it at the expense of the lives of many Iraqi’s. So I figure out for sure that I’m a conscientious objector. I spend some time hammering out an application to get myself out of all of this. Then I slow down, talk it over with others, and realize that there’s not much I can do about it now.
So let me take you through a series of events.
I told my immediate chain of command. They understood. A couple were pissed, but they understood. I’m a non-violent dude. I just want everyone in the world to be able to ride their bikes and be happy. Later that afternoon, I tell my First Sergeant and my battery Commander (BC). The BC is the one who makes the choice on whether or not I can be a CO. Both of those shitbags lose their shit. I’m for sure they would have hit me if my SGT. Major hadn’t been there. I look at them like…whatever.
I worked all night on my packet. The next day I go to a chaplain. I don’t tell him my dilemma. I just start telling him my story. He cries with me during parts of my story. He enlightens me on many things. He makes it easy for me to verify that I am truly a CO. So I finish the packet. I decide to let others read it. They all agree. I’m a CO. A colonel with 27 years, he cries. Another col. tries to instill “war pride” in me when he asks how I will feel when I tell my neices and nephews that I was a CO.
So people are compassionate with me. Others can’t look me in the eye. My immediate supervisor asks me how I would feel if we went into Iraq. I tell him that I would be more comfortable going in with civilian clothes on and an outstretched hand offering help to those who need it. He tells me I need to turn in my packet.
The officers in my unit tell me to ride this one out. I’m on the toilet, no sense breaking it off early. It’s sometimes too messy when you do that. So I decide to wait. It will be easier when I get home. I will be able to prepare better for all the stuff I need to do. And they will see that it is not combat stress that I am feeling. Not that I’m really in combat. I still feel like I’m in prison.
Now the funny stuff begins. And I’ll share all that later. Man the army is a selfish place.
Big Dave
P.S. Do you guys think the terror alert would be HIGH if we weren’t over here squashing Muslims?
There are some good points about the environmental impacts in there. DU is just a sure-fired way to reall feck things up. Maybe us human’s just don’t get the big picture in terms of our role within the global sphere. It seems to me a pretty depressing situation to be in, no Boserupian future from where I’m sitting. And here’s the latest instalment from Monday:
So let me tell you about the soap opera existance of a command unit. To fill everybody in on the lowdown of funny crap going on.
Units are broken down into groups. Your smallest group is a squad or a section. Then you put a few of those together and you get a platoon. Several platoons forms a battery or a company. Artillery units call themselves batteries. I’m in a battery. My entire battery is about 150 strong. Half are officers, the other half are enlisted. In command units, there will be several top ranking enlisted and officers. On a day to day basis, the First Sergeant (1SG) and the Battery
Commander (BC), a captain, are in charge of all the “soldiers.” This doesn’t count the officers; just pieces of crap like me.
My 1SG has a saying: Know the standard and enforce the standard. I always ask, Why not just live the standard? This guy is about 5’5″ and has coke bottle glasses. He’s on wife # 2 and has a bunch of kids. He has 2 suburbans and a mini-van. He drives the suburban with all the stuff he needs to live….in case his wife kicks him out of the house. He’s an asshole. You can ask anyone in my unit. He’s an asshole. He got kicked out of the house before thanksgiving and lived out of a piece of s#$@ rv on work property. The wife he has now, he met when he was a drill sergeant and she was a trainee. That’s really bad stuff. Really bad. But he’s still in the army.
This same sawed off piece of crap is the same one that got mad at me when I told him that no one is ready to go to the desert for potential war. His statement to me was, “Hell, I’ve got unfinished business over there.” I guess he didn’t get enough DU contamination or chem in his cereal so he wants to go back for another dose.
When I told this asshole about my decision to declare myself as a conscientious objector, he lost his shit. Lost it. I thought he was going to try to hit me. I wish he had. He’d be gone.
After getting all my stuff together, my section mates told me to ride this one out because it will be much easier for me to take care of all this at Ft. Bliss. They are right. Doing all this crap in war zone isn’t going to help me in any way.
So the other day, this soldier tells me she’s getting promoted. I tell her that the rank she is going to have is the best in the army. Superiors expect you to do a good job, but they can’t really hold you accountable. And you are not responsible for any soldiers. I told her to find a creed that is a spoof of a real creed that Sergeants are supposed to know. She goes asking around for this creed and comes across the 1SG.
He loses it again. He walked into the room I was in and addresses me in front of my bosses. “SGT Wilson, instead of spending time telling soldiers to look up disrespectful things like the specialist creed, why don’t you work on your f#$%(^* packet and hurry up and turn that thing in.” Dude…..I’m like….what the hell?
I look at him and reply, “1SG, I’m sorry I performed that inappropriate action. I will let SPC Vidal know that it was wrong. As for my packet, I will be finishing the task at hand here in this war, then turn it in when I return to Bliss.” He lost his shit again. He can’t look at me. He hates it that I’m continuing to do my job. Everybody is very pleased with my performance. People are thanking me.
Now for the story on my BC. This guy came into power right before Christmas. He sits us all down in the big conference room and tells us his story and beliefs. He starts out by telling us he’s a military brat. Then he goes to Auburn U. to play football. Got drafted and ended up with the Cowboys for 2 years as a kicker. Lost a fiancee to a drunk driver while she was on her way to a game. Played arena football. Got 2 masters degrees. Worked as social worker doing child abuse stuff. High school principal in SC. On and on. I’m trying to add this stuff up. No way he could have done all this stuff. No way.
So I go to the Auburn U. home page. Go to football. Click on “all football lettermen.” If you set foot on the field, you lettered. No Randy Smith. Then I download all Cowboy’s rosters from 84 to 92. No Randy Smith. I printed it and dissiminated the info.
So the unit turns. Assholes and liars. And I continue to serve a purpose I feel is wrong. War. And it’s ugly.
Big Dave
One man’s perspective on the Iraq War. Right off to work in the Bike shop.
R O T H A R . C O M 