Mountain Bike Shenanigans

Wuthering Bikes
January 24th, 2006

Few more people have posted photos up from the Oxenhope ride at the weekend you can find them here, here and here. There’s even some of me drinking beer. Lots of people are using Yahoo’s Flickr technology at the moment to share photos. I found these photos of explosions the other day athe thought that they were fairly inspiring – check ’em out.

I get the distinct impression that this isn’t true:

From: Mike
Subject: Speeding

A little story! While I was driving down the A40 the other day, (going a little faster than
I should have been) and as I passed under a bridge I saw a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic
patronizing smirk asked:

“Runway too short??

To which I replied, “I’m late for work.”

To which he asked, “What do you do?”

I responded, “I’m a rectum stretcher”

The copper was surprised and confused. “A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”

“Well,” I said, “I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it’s about 6 feet.”

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, “And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?”

To which I politely replied, “You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge …”

Speeding ticket: £105.00

Penalty Points : 3

Court costs: £45

Look on copper’s face: Priceless.

On Leave
January 23rd, 2006

Time off is great. 5am start on Friday and a four hour drive down to Powys, just north of the Brecon Beacons. Dan Barham and Mike Davis were doing a route guide for one of the big name mountain bike mags that will be appearing soon and I was making up the numbers. It was ace. There is something very special about riding in Wales and it is all of the grassy bridleways and fantastic views. I think we saw at least three Kites and we had probably the best weather of the year so far. That said it was a 48km route and at the end we were all happy to call it a day. There’s a lot of vertical and the wind can be a real killer. Photos are up here.

So it was a big old drive back up to the North and after a brief overnighter, it was time to get a whole load of kit together for another few days of riding and it was off up to Oxenhope for a weekend of riding with friends in the beautiful scenery of South Yorkshire. It was great and the fact that there was some hidden beer up on the moors was an added bonus. The speed drinking of Stella chilled to -5 and then racing immediately afterwards wasn’t necessarily a test of riding skill but rather the ability to withstand the urge to vomit over a prolonged period. Weekend shots are on this page.

Learn to Read
January 18th, 2006

Bit’o’news from Mountain Bike Action: In a continued effort to showcase their Contessa Sportswoman line of bikes, Scott USA has announced an expansion of their sisterhood. Australian sports model and graphics designer Niki Gudex has been added to Scott’s lineup of talented female mountain bikers. Already in the Scott camp is the Ford Cycling Team, which includes do-good Norba racers Kelli Emmett, Sara Bresnick-Zocchi, Kathy Sherwin and Melanie Meyers.

Mental note: Read emails properly. At some point before Christmas I had an email from Shaun at aegishosting to tell me that the name server settings for my websites were changing and that I needed to update my settings with 34SP who look after my domains. The thing is that i did get this email and read it (a bit) but the fact that I needed to do something didn’t really sink in until the old DNS settings were switched off at which point all of my websites went off line.

These settings take up to three days to propagate around t’internet under normal circumstances and so things have been off line for a bit which is a bit embarrassing. Thing is it gets better. About this time last year I decided that Shaun was doing such a cracking deal at aegishosting that I’d which this site from being hosted by 34SP over to Aegis and shortly afterwards the new look site appeared.

When I did this I had a bit of a problem in that I had originally organised the purchasing of the domain using an email account I no longer have access to. I then had to convince 34SP I was who I said I was before they’d merge my accounts and let me log in. Proof of id had to be sent off to them and it all was sorted out. Fast forward back to this week and it turns out that when I log-in I can see and, but this site isn’t in the domain controller bit of the intranet. So I fire off an email to the support team.

Turns out that the domain ‘expired’ according to their records in March 2005 and it’s been running on borrowed time ever since then. I really don’t remember getting an email telling me that was about to happen… So I had the added fun of having to get that little mess sorted out too and now everything is back up and running. Woo and yay as the ‘midge would say.

What else is new? Well I’m redeveloping the IF Owners’ Club site. It’s been going for almost two years now and is due a face lift. I’m just trialing some new web apps and some of them may find there was into here. You can get some quite good blogging software these days and a recent trial of WordPress at work has been really interesting. I’m not thinking of a new mobile or camera, but thought these were both interesting. Why any one would want such a horrible phone is beyond me and this 39 megapixel camera is a cool $33,000 for the basic model. That’s more than a Beemer. Any guesses on how much the price of 39MP cameras will have have dropped in 10 years?

Trans-Pennine Trail
January 16th, 2006

Rode the Makin ‘on-call’ route on Sunday for the first time in ages. this is the river run on the Trans-Pennine trail that starts for me at Sale water park and heads east towards Stockport and then on towards the Peaks. It looks like the council have been out and about building up the flood defences along the Mersey. Lots of the good bits have been lost and they’d even closed the steps by the school playing fields. Swines. Thing is it could have been like that for ages and I wouldn’t know as it’s been ages since I’ve done the local route.

The new bits found as shortcuts onto the old bits were a bit rubbish, but I did manage to link up the river run with the Fallowfield Loop Line route by heading up the hill from the Jodhpur Cafe and cutting through Reddish. It was an interesting change from riding up gert big hills, but the singlespeed managed to get just as muddy. Steve says it’s been like that for about three months now. The single track wooded section that used to be after the underpass and before the sports centre has been really badly destroyed and they’re built a wide cinder path. The singletrack is looking very neglected.

It’s not much but it’s offroad and at least it gets a bit hilly after Reddish Vale. As has been said there’s no cars – just dog shit and runners to dodge. Oh and herons to look at. There wasn’t much in the way of wildlife yesterday, but I did see:

As part of the work the council are doing here they’d built an earth bank on the path that was a fairly effective ramp. Just after riding it there was a little kid on a little quad bike, who rounded the corner saw it and said “whoa” rev’d the engine and took a big run up, at which point his mum, dad and sister come around the corner just in time to see him heading at speed towards the ramp and dad goes “oh no…” just as junior hits the ramp and gets all of about 3″ of air :)

Then just about here I could hear the sound of an engine as I rode along the river and a few seconds later a couple in their 40s on one of those really little motorbikes came around the bend.

See it’s not all just dodging turds.

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